Valerie is a 42-year-old, single, Reformed Christian lady who lives in Baltimore. She doesn't remember a time
before she knew and loved Jesus, but she does remember accepting John Calvin into her heart in March of 2000.
Valerie is a member of Christ Reformed Evangelical Church in Annapolis.
Though her career aspiration is to be a housewife, Valerie has not yet found anyone suitable who wishes to hire
her for employment in that field (or, more properly, anyone suitable has not found her), so in the meantime she
earns her daily bread working in communications -- editing, writing, print design and website management.
You Say That As If It's a Good Thing
I joined a new Bible study yesterday. One of our memory verses for the first couple weeks is 2 Corinthians 5:15, "and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again." That sneaky St. Paul...he slips in the phrase "should live no longer" as if we're not supposed to notice that he's saying, "You have to die." Well, I'm a pretty clever girl, and it didn't slip past me. My self hears the death knell and is making it quite clear that it has no intention of going "gentle into that good night." It's like Kris Lundgaard wrote in The Enemy Within -- killing sin is like trying to dissect a live wolverine, "red in tooth and claw," raging, raging "against the coming of the night."
But wait. It's not night that's coming. It's dawn. It's light. It's freedom and hope and joy. It's JESUS. Granted, it's Jesus with a great big two-edged sword coming to kill His enemies, which is, indeed, very bad news from the perspective of my self. But for me, for Him, for His beloved bride, the Church, it's very good news. It's "life and health and peace." It's the hope of finding a tender, skinless Valerie, "smooth and soft as a peeled switch," beneath the dragon scales. It's the hope of new skin that is so very "flesh of His flesh" that it makes me look just like Him.
The question is, am I brave enough to want that more? Am I brave enough to endure the hurting like billy-oh and smarting like anything (and you can't tell me that "but only for a moment" isn't going to feel like a darn sight longer) to get to the perfect deliciousness?
On September 26, 2007 1:58 PMAnonymouswrote... Remember that God is a merciful God too. Even in times of pain, even if it is growing pains he is there too. I'm sure you love the footprints in the sand poem :), the image is a good one though. He'll carry you be brave little one!!!! (I'm preaching to myself too. AR
On September 27, 2007 9:53 AMpentamomwrote... Right on, Eleanor. Something I pray often (a lot more often than a more sanctified person would, I'm sure) is "You know half of me doesn't want this because I'm terribly afraid, but please don't listen to that half, Lord. Do it anyway!" Since I know that He can make up for my reluctance, I figure I trust His goodness more than my own fears.
I'm afraid I'm still not there with Calvin's surrendering my heart "promptly and completely," but by the grace of God I seem to manage "at least I'm not fighting it very hard." :-P
On September 27, 2007 8:34 PMValerie (Kyriosity)wrote... Jane's got the drift of where I'm at: "Lord, this is my attitude. I know it's a bad attitude. I don't want to change it. I know that's bad, too. I don't want to change not wanting to change it, either. And, yeah, I know that's bad, too." And eventually it leads to laughing at myself, which can only be a good sign, right?
I really can answer the question about being brave enough: sometimes yes, sometimes no. I've been answering the same question for 40 years now. The amazing thing...the hopeful thing that gives a corner of my soul complete serenity...is that someday it'll be yes all the time. It's certainly more "yes" nowadays than it was even a year ago!
Our other memory verse is Philippians 1:6, "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." That makes me laugh most of all...at myself and my silly fears and resistance, at the devil and his doomed attempt to thwart my sanctification, and at the Lord's grand and glorious joke of bringing strength out of weakness and transforming worthlessness into beauty.