Valerie is a 42-year-old, single, Reformed Christian lady who lives in Baltimore. She doesn't remember a time
before she knew and loved Jesus, but she does remember accepting John Calvin into her heart in March of 2000.
Valerie is a member of Christ Reformed Evangelical Church in Annapolis.
Though her career aspiration is to be a housewife, Valerie has not yet found anyone suitable who wishes to hire
her for employment in that field (or, more properly, anyone suitable has not found her), so in the meantime she
earns her daily bread working in communications -- editing, writing, print design and website management.
My latest corollary to The Nancy Rule is "Don't try to discuss anything important with a woman about herself late at night." After spending a lovely afternoon and evening at the home of one of my elders and his wife, I was spent. I was the last guest to leave (and would, at my hosts' gracious invitation, have just stayed the night but for the lack of the necessary accouterments for such an endeavor), and I think it was past 10 when the three of us were standing by my car chatting, with me leaning heavily on the vehicle to maintain something resembling an upright posture. It was at this moment of weariness that he began to discuss my job, living arrangements and marital state -- changes needed and steps to be taken. Not surprisingly, I was a whining negatron. I want a daylight do-over of that conversation! But attitudinal lapse or not, it's rather nice to be loved and cared about. (-:
Posted by Valerie (Kyriosity) at 10:31 PM
On September 11, 2007 1:47 PMpentamomwrote... Indeed. Thanks be to God for elders who even address such stuff forthrightly rather than being fearful or under the impression that they shouldn't "meddle" like that.
But I agree with you, and I'd go further -- as a general rule, serious personal counsel shouldn't be given to anyone at any time of day, while standing around the car of someone who is in the process of departing. That's a "general rule," of course -- stuff can come up. It's the sort of thing you do without thinking about it, though, so I'm not blaming him for not thinking about how that probably was not an ideal setting.
And it wasn't really like, "Halt! I shall now bestow my life-transforming wisdom upon you!" It was more like, "Hey, we should catch up to talk about this stuff" and then ending up talking about it some right then and there. So it wasn't really a bad setting for the way he brought it up.
On September 12, 2007 8:55 AMpentamomwrote... Oh, I figured that, but the thing is that when you're standing around a car, 99% of the time and almost by definition, at least one of the people has her mind on being somewhere else, doing something else, etc. Even if it's 1:00 in the afternoon after church, she wouldn't have got as far as her car if her thoughts hadn't turned toward getting toward home, so there's a good chance that she's not going to mentally drop those thoughts of home and be truly attentive, rather than have her thoughts elsewhere.
I'm not saying it's disastrous or anything, I'm saying it's probably helpful to try to time things differently.
On September 12, 2007 9:59 AMAbrawrote... I know just what you mean! I always forget that rule and it gets me to trouble. I feel like I need to set an evening alarm to mark the end of deep conversations. :-)