Valerie is a 42-year-old, single, Reformed Christian lady who lives in Baltimore. She doesn't remember a time
before she knew and loved Jesus, but she does remember accepting John Calvin into her heart in March of 2000.
Valerie is a member of Christ Reformed Evangelical Church in Annapolis.
Though her career aspiration is to be a housewife, Valerie has not yet found anyone suitable who wishes to hire
her for employment in that field (or, more properly, anyone suitable has not found her), so in the meantime she
earns her daily bread working in communications -- editing, writing, print design and website management.
On Becoming a Movie Title
Happy birthday to me. I'm now officially a movie title.
God has blessed me so much, especially in the past couple years, and I'm happier than I have ever been about where I am. But turning 40 and still being single is still really hard. That doesn't mean I'm ungrateful for what God has done; it means there's something objectively not-good in my life. I'm sad about it. That doesn't mean I'm rebelling against His providence; it means I recognize that He's given me a hard providence. I want to be married. That doesn't mean I'm sinfully discontent; it means I'm not complacent. Facing 40 has ratcheted up the volume on the ticking biological clock, so I've been expressing my desire for marriage more than usual. That doesn't mean I'm desperate; it means there's an objective sense of urgency to my desire for marriage. I'm feeling a sense of purposelessness. That doesn't mean I feel utterly purposeless or don't think I can glorify God as an unmarried woman; it means that, in our fallen world, some eyes are blind and cannot fulfill the purpose of an eye -- to see, some ears are deaf and cannot fulfill the purpose of an ear -- to hear, some wombs are barren and cannot fulfill the purpose of a womb -- to carry children, and some women are unmarried and cannot fulfill the purpose of a woman -- to be a helper meet for a man. I'm grieving. That doesn't mean I'm crazy; it means I'm quite sane, because it really is a grievous thing.
So I'd like to call a moratorium on accusations, assumptions and pat answers for the next 40 years. I assure you I've heard enough of them to last that long. And probably so has every other single woman of your acquaintance. So next time one of us brings up the subject, try sympathy for a change. Or if that's really too much of a stretch for you, then just put a cork in it.
There. Now I've got that out of my system, this is the day that the Lord has made, and I'm going to rejoice in it! He has made me, and He is making me holy. I owe Him love and joy and delight with all my being. I'm gonna proceed to be so stinkin' cheerful today that nobody can stand me. Hope you do, likewise!
Posted by Valerie (Kyriosity) at 7:36 AM
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14 comments
On August 29, 2007 9:42 AMbrownpauwrote... Happy Birthday, Valerie! We hold out in hope and prayer that you find someone. Otherwise there's always the "Misery" route.
On August 29, 2007 10:56 AMThe BadgerMumwrote... May the Lord look with favor upon you as you begin another year, grant that you may grow in wisdom and grace, and strengthen all the days of your life.
Thank you for your wisdom and grace. God has blessed you. I will rejoice with you today.
Rachel
On August 29, 2007 2:01 PMCarol in Oregonwrote... Happy Birthday, my friend. When God answers our prayers, and He will, what rejoicing that will be. I'm getting choked up thinking about it.
Thank you for sharing your grief. That takes guts.
My sister married (first and only) at 44 and her husband is a *prince*. I cannot praise Him enough for the gift of *him*.
I hope someone is making you a yummy meal and you have wonderful fellowship. I pray the Lord gives you the desire of your heart and you serve Him well in it.
And Patty, yes, your aforementioned sister is having me over along with a few other folks that I asked if I could invite. I'm getting cheeky in my old age!
May the difficulties of the hard providence turn to the joyously felt blessings of the smiling face ... unexpectly soon. Or, as C S Lewis might have said, may you be "surprised by joy!"
On September 4, 2007 2:26 PMValerie (Kyriosity)wrote... Thanks, Anonymous! I am experiencing the smiles of God in countless ways, and even behind the "frowning providence" of singleness, I know He is Jeremiah 29:11ing (how's that for verbing a noun?) like gangbusters.
Just today, at the dentist's office, I realized I was thinking only of my personal comfort, and wasn't taking the opportunity to bless these kind folks with concern about them. So I prayed for grace to invert myself and give more than I take...and I thanked God for the desire to do so. It wasn't there just a couple years ago, and I am joyfully surprised to find it there now...and sometimes to find it bearing the fruit of genuine kindness and care for others.
It's funny...I don't pray much that God would send me a husband. I pray more that He would sanctify me. I think I hope for marriage as a confirmation that He's gotten me far enough along to entrust me with such a monumental task as being a wife. As long as I'm single, there's the thought that it's because I'm just not good enough. That's tied up in another long-term prayer -- that God would not let me get married if I'd just make a mess of it. When the age odometer turns over, it just makes me a bit panicky: "I didn't mean forever, Lord!" ;-P
